All parents need extra support and encouragement especially if they have a strong-willed child.
Learning this one simple parenting tip could help you reach your child. Listen as John walks parents through what they need to stop doing and what they need to start doing.
There's no such thing as a perfect parent, but if you can start parenting with this one simple "tweak" in your parenting you'll start noticing a difference in your child.
Parents, stop bickering with your kids. Don't try to negotiate with a strong-willed child - it won't work. And for Pete's sake, never jump to conclusions that your child is tying to manipulate you.
If your parenting style mimics these techniques please stop right now and reevaluate how you parent. Please don't misunderstand my admonishment - I'm not saying you are a bad parent. On the contrary, I assume you are a great parent who just needs a little guidance on how to handle your difficult child.
As a therapist, John reminds parents that if they want to get through to their child they need to reach their heart first - before addressing their behavior.
Children, no matter how young or old, need their parent's unconditional, nonjudgmental, love.
Research has proven that the human brain continues to develop until about age 25. This means that even when a child turns 18 (the official legal adult age in America), their brain has not stopped developing.
This is why so many teens do so many stupid and impulsive things. Their brain's have not reach full maturity. This is why it's so important for parents to try to reach their child's heart.
Our kids need us as parents to respond to their negative behavior with love, acceptance and firmness. But, so often parents confuse firmness with outright anger. Which only leads to bickering, jumping to conclusions and a lot of tension in the home.
What's a parent to do with a strong-willed child?
Yes, exploring. Just like you would explore the exotic jungles of Indonesia, or explore the best shoe deals at Macy's. Exploration requires an inquisitive mind and a child-like curiosity to learn all you can about a particular subject or environment.
A transforming parenting tip is to explore your child's motive before you make a judgement.
Another way to illustrate this point is to act like a detective and ask good open-ended questions - think of the late 1960's - 1970's show, Colombo. If you remember that show (I do because of reruns), Colombo was a classic detective that always seemed to have the questions that got to the heart of the matter. Do you see where I'm getting at here?
Exploring your child's motive for their behavior is far better than assuming the worst and starting a battle of the wills.
When your child acts up or behave's negatively, go exploring and ask open-ended questions to try to discern the real motive. Kids react to stress, anxiety fear and depression differently than adults do.
If you can learn the technique of exploring your child's motive or behavior it will transform your parenting. Start today and see if exploring works better than making accusations.
Here are a few "never's" to add to my parenting tip:
Never assume the worst - If you're going to assume anything, assume the best.
Never be quick to judge - Be willing to hear your child out before making a snap judgement.
Never yell - It's okay to be firm, but don't confuse firmness with yelling.
Never give empty threats - Follow through and be consistent on the consequences that you set.
I hope you are able to gain a better footing with your child real soon. I really do think if you're able to implement this parenting tip it will radically change you and your child's relationship.
I apprechiate you and I know you are a great parent. I am for you and your child. You can do this!
Blessings to you my friend,
To learn more about John visit www.johncordray.com
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